On 10 things people have said to me at opening nights

1. "It's him! It's him!"
2. "Where's the pizza?"
3. "You've made me look like Kevin Bacon."
4. "I only came to see Prince Charles" (when paintings by me and HRH Chas were exhibited inside a British prison).
5. "Please to explain your mentality."
6. "Oh no, this won't do at all."
7. "Prick."
8. "Are Cubans really that fat?" (when I exhibited prints based on a month-long trip to Cuba).
9. "Please look at my website."
10. "I'll buy it, but if it falls off the wall I will sue you."

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